Parenting

Parenting... There are so many different types of parents, and ways of parenting. Which is the right way? I like to think that my way is the right way, but what parent doesn't. When does parenting start? In theory it would be nice to think that it started the moment of conception, however, it really doesn't, because you don't even know. So let's go ahead and say it starts the moment you find out you are going to bring a child into the world. What's the next step? After the initial shock, the first step should be to do whatever it takes to make sure this baby is going to be healthy. That means, call the doctor, quit smoking, take the vitamins, go to your appointments... Stop being selfish and realize that you are now in charge of a new life. Not just any life, but a life that you created. A helpless life that you created. By accepting this huge realty you then accept the fact that your life should no longer be about you, but about this new life. I think that what you are willing to give up and do while pregnant reflects hugely on the type of parent you are going to be... that is not to say that people don't change later, but I think that for the most part people don't. If you still smoke a pack of cigarettes a day regardless to how badly it will effect your child, pretty much shows that you are still incredibly selfish. Which is okay. It's okay to be selfish, I suppose that is just another type of parenting.
Then the baby comes and your entire world changes, or at least should. All of sudden you are responsible for another life. There is no ignoring this problem. Now some parents get lucky and get a lot of help, but most parents are on their own. Which can be so trying. I don't know about everyone in the world, but from my own experiences the newborn phase is the worst. Not necessarily the hardest. Just the worst. Sleep deprived, hungry, scared, confused. No matter how smart you are or thought you were, you suddenly feel clueless. You are taking care of a complete stranger and it is totally natural to not like this person sometimes but due to so many "I was in love instantly" stories, you begin to feel guilty, because you don't adore your crying, hungry, pooping baby all of the time. It is so hard to constantly care for something that absolutely needs you. I mean make no o mistake. This tiny little person, would not make it a day without. It should make you feel proud and important, but it should also make you scared, because the fear is what is going to keep you from screwing it up.
Then there is the toddler age. But his time you are really getting to know your baby. You love her. He or she has a personality, and are starting to get into things. So the question arises again. What kind of parent do I want to be? There's tough love, There's spoiling, how do I discipline. I mean there are so many questions. There are a few certainties, that regardless of the child or the parent, there are some things: love, support, strength, guidance, discipline, hugs, kisses for boo-boos, structure, beliefs, morals. It's simple. The best way to be a parent, I believe, is too never think that you are the best. To give them love, but always know that there is room for improvement. Always try your hardest. I think that if you do that and again make sure that each child knows they are special and that you love them, then no matter what kind of parent you are, it should be okay! Thanks again for letting me express my opinion in lovely manner I always do!

PAIN

SO it's 1:30 am on, well I guess Weds. morning. That's right... Twenty six years old and can't sleep because my legs hurt. I never had a lot of pain problems before having children, and two pregnancies later, there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. I've seen the doctor for it and she wasn't really any help. the onl thing I can think of aside from taking narcotics, is trying to see a chiropracter. I mean really aren't I too young to have pain problems? And yet, here I am wide awake and yet exhausted because of my legs. This is absolutely ridiculous. I feel like I am a hundred years old. My body is deteriating.
There are days that my back hurts soo bad that I can't hold my kids. I don't know what to do anymore... (I think I might be getting delirious... I don't function well without sleep)
All I can do is think about how in just a few short hours, my kids will be awake and I will have to forfeit any chance of aleep, and yet, I still get get there! I wonder now if I should just stay up and clean. At least then when I don't move off of the couch except for necesseties.
Well now that I have complained more than I think I ever have before! So ... While you all are resting peacefully in your bed, I am going to get a head start on some dishes and maybe make my husband some breakfast! If you don't hear from me later it's because I am zombified.
Have a nice sleep!

So much good

You know it's so weird how there is something good to be found in every situation. I know that it is hard t find at times. Especially when something horrific is happening in the moment, but it's true. My most recent example of this is my new Great friend, Erin. You see, recently a friend of mine had informed me that another friend of mine had "supposedly" said and done some horribly crazy things about me. And out pf that situation, though I was hurt, came out something great. A really good friend.
So to you new friend, I have to say, I am really glad that I was bashed, and I really am glad that we are friends. You make me laugh daily, and your kids are so much fun! I love your family and I am so glad to be able to know all of you. Not to mention, Elijah is super cool! And he loves my kisses!
I also would like to take this time to point out that I am really corny, but my mom always raised me to make sure that the people I love know how I feel. That way God forbid something happen someday everyone know just how I felt. I try to live my life by that rule... Well all kinds of rules really, but that is one of them.
And moving on, let's talk about some other people in my life that mean alot to me... Fawn, though we are classic opposites, we still somehow work out. I don't know what I would do without you, and can barely remember my life before you. Your kids are amazing and I love Joe too. You guys inspire me to be a better family. You remind me everyday to let the little things go, and to always love my husband. I love that you can't hold a grudge. I even love that you won't let your kids get dirty, but I notice you loosening up when it comes to those things and I love that too...
Cassie... What can I say... I love that you know when to leave me alone, and when not to. You know me in and out, and its just because you are observent. You can read me like a book and I always know that you got my back. You are never afraid to tell me that I am an asshole and you always support every decision, even if you don't agree with it. You are an awesome friend, and I am lucky to have you. I love Dustin and you the kids, (Even though Delaney gets too close to Greg sometimes) I even love when Delaney gets sad because I didn't say goodbye the right way. I hope that you know, I will always be here, to help you anyway I can.... If you need me!
And I would like to make sure that I recgonize my mom. The absolute most amazing person I have ever known. Keep fighting.. I need you and can't even imagine life without you. You are my truest best friend, my absolute soul mate. I know that this life will not be the end of our journey, but I still value each moment of it. I can always count on you. No matter what. I love to be around you, you make me laugh and cry and feel good and angry and give me so much love that only a mother, best friend , sister could do. You've walked with me through every trial I have faced throughout my life, and gave the ability to come out on top. You taught me how to love, laugh, care, cry, change... so many things, You gave me faith in God and showed me what it means to be a good person. I would have been lost and am so glad I had you as a mother to guide me through life. I love you mom, and I hope you keep fighting....
I don't want to forget to mention my amazing husband and beautiful kids, but they won't read this, so I don't think it matters. I gush about them enough, I am pretty sure everyone knows how I feel!
Well if I didn't mention you don't think I don't love you. I am sure that there will be future blogs with my weirdness soon. So Erin I'm so glad we are getting to know eachother, Fawn you are fantastic and I love you, Cassie... You are the bomb, and Momma, you are the best and so amazing! I love you guys!

'

Do you realize

"Do you realize... That you have the most beautiful face??
Do you realize... We're floating in space???
Do you realize... That happiness makes you cry???
Do you realize... That everyone... you know... someday... will die?
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes let them know you realize that time goes fast. It's hard to make the good things last. Realize the sun doesn't go down, it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round.

Do you realize???
Do you realize... That everyone... you know... someday... will die?
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes let them know you realize that time goes fast. It's hard to make the good things last. Realize the sun doesn't go down, it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round.

Do you realize... That you have the most beautiful face?
Do you realize???"

That's a song by the Flaming Lips... It's on my soundtrack and one of my favorite songs in the world. I think it is great!

Poem for Noah

Angel Eyes
And your class clown ways
I couldn't have dreamt you more perfect
So much love
And God's good grace
I couldn't have asked for anything better
My love for you....
There are no words
To express this awesome emotion
Just getting to know you
Makes me so lucky
My heart is over flowing
Never forget
The lessons taught
To prepare for being a man
Value each moment
And every beautiful day
That the Lord keeps blessing you with
Be happy with the love you gave
Your spirit and you brains
You'll never need for anything
If your faithful anf love with all of your heart

Fawn wanted me to post this

How did you and your number 2 become friends?
We had babies around the same time


How late did you stay up last night and why?
11:00.. I watched a movie and made a baby


What's the connection between you and the last person you texted?
I'm pretty sure it was my sister

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
yes


Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Fawn


To send you a myspace message?
Erin


Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
mine


Ever kissed anyone of opposite sex?
yes


What are you doing tomorrow?
No plans


Do you like to cuddle?
yes

What are your plans for this weekend?
playing with Erin's kids.... and hanging out with my man


Whats your hair look like today?
probably the same way it looks everyday


Did you ever lose a friend?
yes



What are you doing right now?
this survey, and eating the turnovers I just made

Ever go camping?
yes... I love it


Are you someone's best friend?
yes

Do you have a dog?
no

Do you like birds?
sort of

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Noah following me around making stupid noises


Have you spoken to your mother today?
yes


What color is your hair?
Blonde and brown

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
last night

Have you ever thought you liked someone, and then found out that you really didn't?
oh yes

Where were you an hour ago?
Making the kids breakfast and feeding Mylee hers


Do you have any tattoo/piercings?
yes both


Do you drink water?
yes


Do you fall for people easily?
yes


When is the next time you will see number 1 on your top friends?
In a few hours :)

What are you listening to right now?
SpongeBob Square pants


Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
not really


Are you too forgiving?
Definetly

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Maybe

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
I pretend I don't but it really does bother me... A little bit anyway


Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
nope


Your ex REALLY needs you at 3am & you have a way to their house would you go?
I guess it depends on what he needed, but probably

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
It happens daily


What was the last thing you cried about?
I snuck into each kids bedrooms to hold them while they were sleeping, and I cried because they are so beautiful and amazing. Then I went to bed and watched Greg for a litlle and cried for the same reason.



How do you feel about the last person that posted this survey?
I like her


Last person you blocked on MySpace?
I don't even know how to do that


Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and your sure they won't tell anyone?
yes, Cassie...


Who did you hangout with last night?
Aubrie, becasue it was her birthday... She's such a big girl...


How many hours did you sleep last night?
about ten


Have you ever cried while in the shower?
yeah... that's my favorite place to cry


Could you go a day without eating?
yes... But who wants too

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
yeah


Do you smoke weed regularly?
Ahh, I kicked that habit when I decided to have babies


Is there someone you want to fight?
No, I'n not a big fighter

Do you believe in true love?
yes




When was the last time you were disappointed?
I don't know.... I'm sure it wasn't that long ago.
I bounce back pretty easily


Do you miss your past?
sometimes, I miss the freedom, but I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything


What are you doing today?
Going to my mom's, laundry, baking, dishes, cleaning the kids rooms, hopefully the living room, and cooking dinner.
Then I will goof off until bed time



Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
I heard that somewhere




What is the last thing you thought about?
money, Noah's school, Mylee's laugh, Erin and her kids. Paxton.. I think about a lot of things all at once... I'm very complexed


Honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
yes



Honestly, if you could go back 5 months and change something would you?
5 months... There really isn't anything to change.... Maybe I would save some money



Do you regret ever letting someone go?
That's tough... i regret the way I handled letting Dan Vavro go. He was awesome and I was sucky... Now he doesn't like me.... I regret that...


Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
Yep... lots


Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
no... not really....


Do you know anyone in the military currently?
I do


Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
oh yeah

What is the last thing you put into your mouth?
cherry turn over

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
yes, sometimes

Do you regret doing anything this past week?
no

Another night
Another day
Waking to the same old face
No regrets
Tomorrow's gone
My love for you
Still lingers on
Forever and Always
I'll want you near
My life is for you
Should be so clear
You won't need to want
Sower you
With all of my heart
God has blessed us
That much we know
Say you'll stay
Because I will never go!

That's one of the first poems I have written since Noah was born, so I am really rusty, but what can I say, I felt a little inspired. Hopefully it's not too awful...